Question by c'etaitvous: Can anyone put my mind at ease? Psychology?
DISCLAIMER: THIS WILL TAKE A BIT TO READ BUT MY PSYCHOLOGIST IS BOOKED UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR SO I WOULD LIKE AN OUTSIDE OPINION.
I think that there is something wrong with my head.
About 3 months ago, my boyfriend and I got on the topic of "haunted items". He is not a believer in the things and I, growing up in a home full of ghost stories and Christian beliefs in demons and spirits, am. Well, I pulled out of Christianity in my early teens, seeking education instead of a set religion. But the whole idea of "possession" and "demons" still scared me to death and I became fascinated with everything that "scared me to death". Movies like "The Exorcist" and "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" were just MOVIES to me and I never even thought of them and when I watched them, I had the normal "OMG THAT'S SO SCARY" reaction.
Well, back on point, I decided that I was going to buy a haunted doll to prove to my boyfriend that it was all real. Well, shortly after doing the search on Ebay, I decided not to and ended up finding other "haunted" items. Well, a Ouija board popped up. And i thought "HEY, I'm going to buy a Ouija board and PROVE it that it's real!" Well, that evening, I convinced my roommate (who was terrified of the idea and tried to talk me out of it) to come with me to buy one and play with it with me. When we bought it, we came home and played and the board ended up spelling things that were unintelligible(i.e c4g7 etc etc), so we said Goodbye and put it away. Well, we played about 3 more times before I started feeling weird... like something was telling me to KEEP playing. Even though each and every time we played the board always said it wanted to talk to my roommate and nothing happened. It barely even said anything. But I always had the same reaction.. this rapid heartbeat, sweating, and fear and lightheadedness. Well, one night after playing earlier in the day, I started looking up "scary Ouija board stories" online. And there was this one that talked about these kids who played and ended up being attacked by a demon. I was so enveloped in the story that anytime anyone tried to talk to me, I would snap at them and try to get by myself so that I could read it with perfect concentration. Well, about mid-way through, I went outside to have a cigarette, taking my IPhone with me so I could continue to read, and all of a sudden a strange feeling started to creep up in me. Like this uncontrollable fear and this pounding heartbeat and a feeling of being uncomfortable within my own body and I couldn't stop shaking. I ran back into my house and went to find my roommate, who after she saw me, thought I was losing my mind. I ended up having a panic attack that lasted well into the next day, even after trying some deep breathing and trying to sleep. I told her the next day that I "needed to see a priest or a psychologist NOW". So she took me to a psychologist. After explaining everything to him, he just laughed at me, diagnosed me with severe anxiety disorder with paranoia and adult OCD and prescribed me Klonopin. The Klonopin helped, but made me feel like a completely different person and made me want to drink a lot of alcohol. Plus, after reading the long term effects of the drug and the withdrawal symptoms, I decided to stop taking it. Then, one day about a week later, my roommate and I were on the porch discussing the fact that I had went back to normal and then I proceeded to want to take a nap. Well, the second I laid down, I heard a voice in my head say "We are going to eat you from the inside out". I FLIPPED MY ***. I immediately called this Christian evangelist lady who proceeded to tell me I was under "demonic attack" and that I needed to repent and give my life back to God and to be delivered from it. So I agreed. My anxiety began to get better shortly after but not completely.
My full list of symptoms include: Terror, strange vision from time to time, nightmares that occur around 3 am, fear of sleeping before 3 am, tingling in the hands and feet, tingling sensation in the temples and my head feeling "full", racing heart, trembling, fear of anything related to the supernatural including movies, songs commercials, etc, moodiness and irritability, fear or demons and possession or becoming possessed, strange thoughts of it happening and fear of the IDEA of being better and not being better.
It's been 3 months and I'm still dealing with all of this. I just want to know WHAT'S exactly wrong and to get help and try to progress to being better. I do not want medication so, any ideas that don't require it would be wonderful.
Thank you so much, you have no idea how thankful I am.
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